Scapegoat Healing Journey - Part VI

A New Beginning and Becoming Who You Really Are

In the previous part, you learned how to set boundaries and defend them even when people close to you try to violate them. Setting boundaries brings two major effects.

The first one is that you keep toxic people out of your life. It feels like you’ve upgraded your entire quality of life. There will be less drama, and you will generally have more energy.

The second effect is that you get an even better understanding of who you are and who you are not. You will be less likely to be a target of manipulation... because you keep such people at a distance. Reconnecting with your feelings will be a huge update to your inner red flag radar.

You will not comply with other people’s standards just to belong. You start to live your life in a way that feels authentic for you. In a way that will feel like a new beginning.

And that's when it gets interesting.

Image by Julia Caesar on Unsplash

Starting a New Life

In a way, you are born again—starting on empty ground.

In your old life, you followed values and principles that were not necessarily your own. Maybe you chased success just to feel a sense of worth.

You were always there for others and forgot to care for yourself—simply because that’s what you were used to, what you were conditioned to do.

You also carried other people’s guilt and shame. You may not have realized it at the time; otherwise, you would have left your role much earlier.

You were probably the kind of person who always prepared for the worst, had trouble trusting others, and became highly independent. It might have gone so far that you never asked for help and tried to cope with everything on your own.

All that is gone now. You’ve freed yourself from that role.

Still, the way you learned to walk through life was based on your scapegoat conditioning. You developed an operating system that once helped you survive as the family scapegoat.

That operating system will no longer serve you.

Now comes the question of what you truly want to do with your life.

Craving success or pleasing people just to belong will begin to feel meaningless. You may even find that you can no longer stand your job—that you feel completely out of place. Much of your old life will no longer align with who you are becoming.

You might feel lost and not know where to go next. That sounds scarier than it is. It’s a different kind of emptiness—one that isn’t tied to anxiety. It’s a peaceful emptiness, inviting you to listen to your inner guidance.

Life presents you with a blank canvas, and you can decide what to paint on it. It’s a beautiful opportunity—even if you don’t yet know what to do with it.

Until now, your life may have felt mostly linear. You tried to improve from where you were and had some kind of plan. Now you’re in a new land—your own. But in this new land, your old maps no longer work, and you haven’t drawn a new one yet.

What you do have is inner guidance and peace. You know you don’t have to rush. You can trust what’s within you—what wants to be expressed and brought into the world.

Living Your Creativity

As children, we explored the world in a playful way and were naturally creative. We made cakes in our sandboxes, drew pictures with crayons or finger paint, or simply used whatever was at hand.

Nobody needed to tell you to do any of that. It was something natural, coming from within, that brought you into a state of flow. Even when you were on your own, you instinctively knew what to do.

You may need some rest before this childlike lightness returns to you. But once it does, you’ll know.

Explore the world like a child again. Try drawing, playing an instrument, or doing pottery—or whatever calls to you. Just follow the sparks that light up inside. It doesn’t need to make sense. It just needs to feel right—even if it’s only curiosity that drives you.

Creativity is a self-amplifying force. The more you dive into it, the more creative you’ll become. Your brain will start to rewire, and you’ll be surprised by the new sparks of insight it gives you. It won’t take long before new ideas about what to do with your life begin to appear.

The Void Is a Transition Phase

In the beginning, the void can feel strange. After some rest, you’ll start to feel at peace. What you’ll notice is that the rhythm of your life begins to change. At first, you may be okay with slowing down—there’s no need to rush anything.

But at some point, you might wonder how long this process will take. The answer is the same as in Part III, when we talked about processing your past: the more you try to force it, the longer it takes.

The more you embrace creativity and listen to what’s inside you, the more new channels will open. But keep in mind—you’ll also develop a new sense of needing rest. A lot of rest, perhaps more than you ever imagined.

You’re rebuilding your life. Processing all your trauma took massive energy, and now your body needs just as much to build new structures and establish a new operating system.

As a child, you learned something new every day. Back then, you also needed a lot of sleep. In a way, you’re in a similar state now. You’ll feel new energy rising, but you’ll also notice that your body needs time to adapt to this new self that now has strong boundaries.

All you really need to remember is that the void is a transition phase between your old life and the new one you’re creating. Trusting the process simply means trusting yourself, as a whole being of body, mind, and soul.

Your body will adjust, and your mind will follow, just as it has throughout your entire healing journey.

---

Coming up next:

---

Before You Go…

I hope you’ve enjoyed the Scapegoat Healing Journey so far.

Maybe you’re smiling right now. Maybe this episode inspired you—or reminded you of how far you’ve come in life, against all odds.
Give yourself a pat on the shoulder if no one has done that for you yet. I’m doing the same right here behind my screen, for you.

Screens are what separate us. But from the comments I’ve received, I know that many scapegoats share the same story—as if we’re all connected by an invisible ribbon.

I’ve decided to become visible through my writing here on Substack. And I deeply hope you’ll become visible too—by leaving a like or even a comment. Both will warm my heart, and hopefully yours as well.

---