Scapegoat Healing Journey - Part III

Embracing Your Feelings & Processing Your Past

Part II was about opening the channel to reconnect with your feelings. By doing so, you laid the foundation for your actual healing to begin.

In this part, you'll understand that trauma is stored in your body, and you'll also learn how to process all the emotions that have been buried for so long.

image by Myriams-Fotos on Pixabay

Allowing Yourself to Feel Your Feelings

In the beginning, you’ll be amazed by all the positive feelings that start entering your life. For me, it was a sense of belonging and being connected to the world around me.

I realized that building a wall around myself not only protected me from painful emotions but also blocked the positive ones. It seems you can’t have one without the other.

The positive feelings are an invitation to open your channel even further and allow through whatever your body wants you to feel. Some of these feelings often come with intense memories from the past—all the things your system had to suppress in childhood just to survive.

The sheer intensity of these emotions gives you an idea of why you had to suppress them in the first place. And even now, as an adult, they can be so overwhelming that it almost feels like dying.

Some people also describe this phase as the dark night of the soul.

In a way, you’re going through a cleansing—bringing everything that was buried in the shadows into the light of consciousness. Even if it feels deeply unpleasant and makes you want to escape your body because the inner pain is so intense, you’re now at a level where you can handle it.

The more you resist the process, the harder it becomes. It almost forces you to surrender and finally let through what has been buried inside you. All you can really do is trust the process.

As strange as it may sound, allow yourself to feel these feelings and remember that they can’t physically harm you. Even though intense anxiety and panic can feel endless, allowing them to flow through will eventually make them fade. Slow, deep breathing and becoming an observer of what is happening both make it easier.

Always be reminded that you are not your feelings or emotions. They are simply stored energies in your body that your body knows how to process.

Maybe you’ve seen a dog shake off the adrenaline after being charged by a bigger one. Your emotions work similarly—your body will do the work. All you need to do is allow it and observe it.

Don’t self-medicate. If you feel you no longer can handle the intensity of these feelings, seek professional help.

How to Prepare for What Comes Up

The previous section gave you an idea of how bumpy this part of the journey can be. It doesn’t have to feel that way, though—the intensity depends on how deeply you had to suppress your emotions.

For me, it was quite an intense ride. That being said, there are a few things you can do to make the process feel a bit safer. The most obvious one is to take good care of your body. Healthy nutrition, gentle movement, and fresh air are key. You don’t need to work out—long walks are perfectly fine.

It also helps to limit your caffeine and sugar intake, as both can affect your sleep. Caffeine, in particular, can make anxiety much worse—and that’s the last thing you want in this phase.

Personally, I found it very calming to get my finances in order. So even when existential anxiety came up, I knew on some level that it wasn’t real—just unresolved patterns from the past.

Although it wasn’t exactly part of the preparation, doing a lot of journaling helped me gain clarity and calm after sleepless nights. Once things were on paper, I felt as if I had finally released them from within me.

How Long Will the Process Take

The less resistance you show, the easier it will be for your body to process the bottled-up emotions and feelings.

For me, the process ended the night I completely gave up. The downward spiral of my anxiety made me believe I was doomed—that I had failed so badly in life that I would soon end up on the streets. I accepted that and said to my anxiety,

“If this is what you want, so be it.”

I was done fighting all my demons. I was ready for them to eat me. And that was the moment when the storm finally calmed.

I was exhausted for days after that night, but life felt peaceful. It felt as if an old version of me had died that night. It was a liberation from a past I had buried so deep inside that I didn’t even know it existed.

But back to the question…

For me, the process took almost a month. It came in waves, meaning it didn’t have the same intensity every night. Nights were the hardest because that’s when you’re alone with yourself. During the day, when the feelings started to overwhelm me, I could manage them better. If it got too bad, I went for a walk or distracted myself with simple activities.

I had the luxury of taking some time off, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to do any serious work anyway. But that was my story—it doesn’t have to be the same for you. I walked my path alone, but it’s probably much easier when you have emotional support.

How Many Times Will You Go Through Purging

What I described above was my most intense experience. It’s not meant to scare you but rather to give you an idea of what could happen—so you’re prepared for intense experiences.

Healing from childhood trauma, such as being abused as the family scapegoat, doesn’t follow a linear path. After the experience I described, my life improved significantly. The whole process felt like a cleansing—a freeing of myself from the past.

I began to see the world through different eyes. At first, it even seemed as if the world around me had changed. Strangers greeted me on my way to the grocery store, and everyone seemed so much nicer and warmer.

I was also amazed by how lovingly young mothers cared for their children. It felt as if a spaceship had brought me to a new planet—I had never seen such warmth and tenderness all around me before.

But the truth is, these people had always been there. I just hadn’t noticed them because my attention was focused on what felt familiar to me.

Once I seemed to have integrated this new perception of the reality around me, I had a few more sleepless nights, during which other painful memories surfaced, accompanied by intense feelings.

However, those were more like walks in the park compared to before. I already knew that things would automatically get better if I simply allowed the process to unfold.

All these experiences not only helped me free myself from the burden of the past but also gave me a deeper understanding of who I truly am.

Many of the beliefs I held came from painful childhood experiences or from things my parents wanted me to believe. Once you see through all the gaslighting, you begin to truly understand that your perceptions of reality as a child were real—and that all the feelings that came with them were valid.

And yes, that’s a huge breakthrough. It’s the stepping stone to finally leaving behind the scapegoat role you never chose and never wanted.

What's Next to Come

Once you’ve freed yourself, you can begin a new life—one where you live your true identity instead of the false role you were given.

It will also be a learning process. As a former scapegoat, the main thing you’ll need to learn is how to set boundaries. That’s what Part IV will be about—so stay tuned for next Tuesday.

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