Being a loyal reader/follower/subscriber (whatever) doesn't mean I'm not strict. It doesn't mean I will let anything slide. My comments are not aiming to flatter, to compliment, to create connections that will benefit me in any way. My comments are expressing my truth.
Having made that clear, I say, from my end, please don't change a thing, just write the way you do about the topics you choose. We- I'm sure we are many, too many- need your work.
I absolutely agree with Andriana. Everything you write is so useful. I asked myself what I needed to work on and up came , Grief from the sudden death of a loved one. Ten years travelling with Grief I’m still trying to unravel so much from the relationship. The loss of “our” friends!!
Was our relationship co dependant?
Yes everything you write about resonate with me and assists in finding my true self.
I feel somewhat blessed that I was the messenger for the words you needed to hear. I mean there are so many others out there who basically say same but of course I am glad you stumbled on my version. 🤗
Tim, your writing is always interesting and very relatable. The issue of boundaries and how to best set them can be complex. Sometimes I am not quite sure what constitutes someone crossing a boundary. For example a woman who lives in my neighborhood became friendly and began to phone and email me etc. When she called me wanting info or help with something she was very pleasant. But if I called her for info or just to chat she was usually quite brusque. One day she was fretting over a health care decision and because she had never told me anything about this before I asked a logical question to try understand it better. She got upset and angrily stated "I already TOLD you about this - obviously you DIDN'T listen". I was taken aback but didn't say anything at that time. (she must have told someone else and erroneously thought it was me she told) But I realized I needed to set boundaries as to how much disrespect I would continue to tolerate. Later on when she sent emails and voicemails I didn't reply. She finally sent an email asking what was "wrong with me" that I was not replying. I then replied explaining it didn't feel good to be accused of something I am not guilty of and wished to be treated with the same respect I show her. She got very angry again, told me off and that was the end of the relationship. Not sure if I set my boundaries or she did....lol.
I found it quite helpful to watch my energy levels to get a better idea of my boundaries.
This can be a little difficult while you are dealing with people. But afterwards, you know whether you feel somewhat drained or uplifted.
It’s okay to feel drained when there are legit reasons, like when someone goes through difficult times or shares a sad story.
Of course, it’s not okay when someone tries to manipulate you, take advantage of you, or is simply disrespectful.
When you don’t want that, you set a boundary.
What you described above sounds like you treated your neighbor as you would have wanted to be treated if you were in her shoes. She might have a different opinion. But what counts is that you are at peace with your decisions.
Being a loyal reader/follower/subscriber (whatever) doesn't mean I'm not strict. It doesn't mean I will let anything slide. My comments are not aiming to flatter, to compliment, to create connections that will benefit me in any way. My comments are expressing my truth.
Having made that clear, I say, from my end, please don't change a thing, just write the way you do about the topics you choose. We- I'm sure we are many, too many- need your work.
I absolutely agree with Andriana. Everything you write is so useful. I asked myself what I needed to work on and up came , Grief from the sudden death of a loved one. Ten years travelling with Grief I’m still trying to unravel so much from the relationship. The loss of “our” friends!!
Was our relationship co dependant?
Yes everything you write about resonate with me and assists in finding my true self.
Thank you for you feedback Miriam.
I feel somewhat blessed that I was the messenger for the words you needed to hear. I mean there are so many others out there who basically say same but of course I am glad you stumbled on my version. 🤗
Aaaw thank you for your sweet and supportive comment 🧸
Will keep on doing this series... and also as in the past, try a few new things here and there and eventually do the next series.
Tim, your writing is always interesting and very relatable. The issue of boundaries and how to best set them can be complex. Sometimes I am not quite sure what constitutes someone crossing a boundary. For example a woman who lives in my neighborhood became friendly and began to phone and email me etc. When she called me wanting info or help with something she was very pleasant. But if I called her for info or just to chat she was usually quite brusque. One day she was fretting over a health care decision and because she had never told me anything about this before I asked a logical question to try understand it better. She got upset and angrily stated "I already TOLD you about this - obviously you DIDN'T listen". I was taken aback but didn't say anything at that time. (she must have told someone else and erroneously thought it was me she told) But I realized I needed to set boundaries as to how much disrespect I would continue to tolerate. Later on when she sent emails and voicemails I didn't reply. She finally sent an email asking what was "wrong with me" that I was not replying. I then replied explaining it didn't feel good to be accused of something I am not guilty of and wished to be treated with the same respect I show her. She got very angry again, told me off and that was the end of the relationship. Not sure if I set my boundaries or she did....lol.
Thank you for sharing.
I found it quite helpful to watch my energy levels to get a better idea of my boundaries.
This can be a little difficult while you are dealing with people. But afterwards, you know whether you feel somewhat drained or uplifted.
It’s okay to feel drained when there are legit reasons, like when someone goes through difficult times or shares a sad story.
Of course, it’s not okay when someone tries to manipulate you, take advantage of you, or is simply disrespectful.
When you don’t want that, you set a boundary.
What you described above sounds like you treated your neighbor as you would have wanted to be treated if you were in her shoes. She might have a different opinion. But what counts is that you are at peace with your decisions.