Accurate word-for-word. The scapegoating mechanism, the realization, the painful struggle, and the war they declare afterwards. And the advice is precious. And, yes, when I became confident enough and drew my lines, I was able to see that they were just a kid, a brat. The only thing left for me to do, concerning them, is to be careful about the shovel. Because they will throw one at me, there's no doubt about it😂
Yepp shovel can hurt, especially when you don't see it coming.
For me was quite a surprise how they talked about me behind my back. Like they kinda wanted to make sure that no one will believe in case I ever dared to tell other my version of things...
Maybe that's why betrayal in your own family is so bad...
Oh, they’ ve being doing this for many years, they affected other people’s behavior. Of course, these other people were like them, otherwise they wouldn’t be affected, right? The only new thing in this phase is their silence which is in no way acceptance…they will attack later, when they think that I dropped my guard. I like that you also mentioned this, that they will never stop scapegoating, we have to be aware and alert, but in a calm way.
Thank you for sharing your insights and thoughts. You have a way of expressing yourself that speaks truth to the abusers with honesty and clarity.
As a 5 year old, my mother told me it was all my fault that the sexual abuse was happening because "I was too pretty and too smart". Looking back now, I think somehow they knew
I was a true teller. They did see a bright light in me. I think they knew they didn't have that and did everything they could to
prevent me from having it.
The best part for me today is my precious child survived. Somehow, we both made it to a joyous and happy life without any "family". I am very grateful to you for sharing your journey.✨️
Thank you for your comment and for sharing parts of your story. 🧸
It's terrible that they made what was obviously very wrong, your fault... as if you should feel ashamed for being pretty and smart... only because they felt they didn't have that.
But your story also instills hope for all others who are on their healing journey. Despite all the abuse, you found a way out and now have a happy life. That's basically what every scapegoat is hoping for.
Tim, I loved this analogy: "Imagine someone who likes to steal. They know that stealing is wrong. If they cannot be honest with themselves, they will point at others who steal even more than they do. This way, they make their own bad behavior a minor issue.
Take this further, and you'll see a person who projects all their unwanted traits onto others. This way, they don't have to face it within and avoid the pain of feeling terrible about themselves". So perfectly put...it's like family members are saying...she feels even more shame than I do...see ..look at her. She feels it so we don't have to..So well put. I loved this piece. Thanks for sharing.
I struggled long to understand "projection". For me, it made no sense that some people cannot deal with some of their parts and need others to externalise them.
When I finished school, my parents didn't attend my graduation ceremony. They told me later that they were so ashamed of my grade. My grade was average and not exactly bad.
Years later, I stumbled on my parents' certificates... and those were really terrible....
Then I began to understand how things work sometimes...
Thank you so much for this article.
Accurate word-for-word. The scapegoating mechanism, the realization, the painful struggle, and the war they declare afterwards. And the advice is precious. And, yes, when I became confident enough and drew my lines, I was able to see that they were just a kid, a brat. The only thing left for me to do, concerning them, is to be careful about the shovel. Because they will throw one at me, there's no doubt about it😂
Thank you for your supportive comment. 🧸
Yepp shovel can hurt, especially when you don't see it coming.
For me was quite a surprise how they talked about me behind my back. Like they kinda wanted to make sure that no one will believe in case I ever dared to tell other my version of things...
Maybe that's why betrayal in your own family is so bad...
Oh, they’ ve being doing this for many years, they affected other people’s behavior. Of course, these other people were like them, otherwise they wouldn’t be affected, right? The only new thing in this phase is their silence which is in no way acceptance…they will attack later, when they think that I dropped my guard. I like that you also mentioned this, that they will never stop scapegoating, we have to be aware and alert, but in a calm way.
Yes, people who actually see and value you will be suspicious about behind the back stories.
Maybe that's where the saying comes from: When you don't have anything good to say about a person... keep your mouth shut.
👍✨🧸
Thank you for sharing your insights and thoughts. You have a way of expressing yourself that speaks truth to the abusers with honesty and clarity.
As a 5 year old, my mother told me it was all my fault that the sexual abuse was happening because "I was too pretty and too smart". Looking back now, I think somehow they knew
I was a true teller. They did see a bright light in me. I think they knew they didn't have that and did everything they could to
prevent me from having it.
The best part for me today is my precious child survived. Somehow, we both made it to a joyous and happy life without any "family". I am very grateful to you for sharing your journey.✨️
Thank you for your comment and for sharing parts of your story. 🧸
It's terrible that they made what was obviously very wrong, your fault... as if you should feel ashamed for being pretty and smart... only because they felt they didn't have that.
But your story also instills hope for all others who are on their healing journey. Despite all the abuse, you found a way out and now have a happy life. That's basically what every scapegoat is hoping for.
Tim, I loved this analogy: "Imagine someone who likes to steal. They know that stealing is wrong. If they cannot be honest with themselves, they will point at others who steal even more than they do. This way, they make their own bad behavior a minor issue.
Take this further, and you'll see a person who projects all their unwanted traits onto others. This way, they don't have to face it within and avoid the pain of feeling terrible about themselves". So perfectly put...it's like family members are saying...she feels even more shame than I do...see ..look at her. She feels it so we don't have to..So well put. I loved this piece. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your feedback.
I struggled long to understand "projection". For me, it made no sense that some people cannot deal with some of their parts and need others to externalise them.
When I finished school, my parents didn't attend my graduation ceremony. They told me later that they were so ashamed of my grade. My grade was average and not exactly bad.
Years later, I stumbled on my parents' certificates... and those were really terrible....
Then I began to understand how things work sometimes...
Wow.. Tim..when that clarity hits! (And no one attended my graduation ceremonies either)