How To Understand Yourself Better
Tools I Used to Make Sense of Who I Am
There are phases in life when we feel stuck or when life itself feels too painful.
We might wish for a different life. One that feels more like it actually belongs to us.
In such phases, it’s quite normal to ask ourselves who we really are.
The idea behind it is simple. Once you understand yourself better, you also get a clearer idea of what to do with your life.
A squirrel does not need to become a bird. It just needs to live like a squirrel. Collect nuts, bury most of them in the neighborhood, jump around in the trees, and take it a little easier during winter.
But there is a little more to understanding yourself.
Many of us crave some proof that we are normal. That there is nothing inherently wrong with us and nothing to really be ashamed of. Maybe because this makes it easier to believe that we might actually find our way to a life where we belong.
Meditation As a Starting Point
Meditation helped me understand that I am not my thoughts. That sounds like a small thing, but it can be a big revelation for people who mostly live in their heads.
We all have our inner voices. Sometimes they can be very harsh and make us believe we are the worst person alive and that we don't deserve anything.
Hard to smile when such a drama goes on in your head.
But in the end, those voices are just thoughts. They come and go. They are not who you are, and they are not necessarily true either.
Knowing this can help us relax a little and open up to different perspectives.
And that already matters.
Doubting an old inner reality you used to believe in can already be progress in understanding yourself.
Journaling For Clarity
I love writing. So it is easy for me to reflect for hours about my life in a journal.
Writing helps me slow down my thinking and put my thoughts on paper in a more structured way. I also love the feeling of my fountain pen floating over the paper and watching the ink dry.
There is clearly a sensory element in it for me, which has a calming effect and, in a way, also connects me with my body. So I am not all in my mind when I journal.
The biggest benefit of writing was gaining clarity about recurring patterns. Somehow, I always remembered when I had already written about something, even when it was months ago.
Reading my old journals also gave me an idea of how much I have changed over the years. How my understanding of myself has changed. And, in a way, also how I am wired.
I know that some people struggle with having a blank page in front of them and have no idea how to fill it. If you need some prompts and guidance, let me know in the comments below.
Asking a Robot
Ten years ago, asking a machine to help you understand yourself better would have sounded wild.
But here we are.
Nowadays, millions of people do it every day. We don't see the chatbots we use necessarily as robots. Because we were told that those machines have some sort of intelligence and may actually understand us.
As someone who likes to play with new technologies, I had to try these magic AI thingies. I asked AI about my blind spots, strengths, and weaknesses.
The initial results I got simply blew me away.
“How the hell could AI know that?” I asked myself.
But the initial excitement faded as the answers I got became more predictable. I began to understand how these machines process my input.
And that's when I understood how problematic using AI for understanding yourself can be.
The first point is that these bots are designed to keep you hooked. In a way, it tells you what you want to hear.
Of course, you can also ask it to challenge and criticise you. It can feel like the “biggest weakness” question in a job interview. You give an honest-sounding answer, then turn it into a strength.
The problems of AI become more apparent the longer you use a chat. At some point, it becomes pretty clear that it can't connect the information you gave it. That's when you get more or less the same results again and again.
It's a bit like running in circles without any escape.
You can try starting the whole chat again, try different questions, and adjust the information you provide. That's also when you realize how much the phrasing of your input matters, and it does not understand you in the way a real person would (to put it nicely).
Then there are all those AI hallucinations, and it tends to gaslight you when you tell it that it messed up. Can be really entertaining when it comes from a machine and not a real person…
In short, it's really easy to fool yourself with AI so badly that you don't even realize it.
Apart from all that, AI is a very useful tool for conducting research and explaining complex concepts in simple terms. Of course, you want to check the information you get at least to some degree.
Personality Tests
A few years back, I took a 16Personalities test and answered it as honestly as I could.
Of course, with those self-assessments, you can still fool yourself. Especially if you already know what result you want to get.
But if you approach them with some openness, the risk is smaller than with AI.
A personality test does not improvise a story around the way you describe yourself. It gives you fixed questions and evaluates your answers through a fixed model.
Anyway…
When I finished the test, I got my result along with a few pages of explanations. That was something I could work with for weeks. Not because of the few pages themselves, but because of the framework behind the test.
I learned about the cognitive functions, which gave some idea of how we are wired. And then there were also plenty of additional sources that explained the typical traits of a given personality type.
The MBTI and similar type-based tests, including 16Personalities, are often criticized as pseudoscience. But the MBTI itself was originally inspired by Carl Jung’s theory of psychological types, so it is not simply something someone made up from thin air.
If you want something more scientifically solid, the Big Five is one of the most widely researched and validated models in personality psychology. It has been around for decades and is still used in various forms today.
Now the good news:
I am currently creating a Big Five assessment in two versions.
The standard version will be available to everyone.
—> Drop a comment below if you want to try it.
For those who want to go deeper, I am also working on a 120-question version with a more detailed Big Five personality report.
Instead of only looking at the five main traits, this version also explores the more specific facets within each trait. This can give you a more nuanced picture of your strengths, possible inner tensions, and the patterns that may shape how you think, feel, and respond to life.
I think I need that test.
Thanks
I’d like to try the test