Do We Really Want to Stay Invisible

What the fear of being seen is really trying to tell us

I recently stumbled upon a meme that said:

Life is better when nobody knows what you are doing.

It had over 24,000 likes, hundreds of comments, and thousands of restacks. I have also seen it go viral on other platforms. So it clearly resonated with many people.

I wondered why.

And then I wondered why I wondered... because somehow I felt that this quote had something to do with me too.

So let’s go back to where the wish to be invisible first began.

Image by Johannes Plenio on Pexels

When Hiding Felt Like Magic

I remember when I played hide and seek with my 8-year-younger brother.

I turned around, closed my eyes, counted down slowly from twenty, and heard him moving somewhere in the room.

„Ready, “ I said out loud, ready to start searching for him.

And there he was. Sitting in the corner with his hands covering his eyes. Being invisible to the world around him. At least that's what he thought.

We have all been through that phase...

The Longing to Be Invisible

While my younger brother tried to hide behind his hands, I used to daydream about having a cloak that would make me invisible.

With such a cloak, I would go to people's homes and watch them. I wanted to know how they really talked and behaved when they thought nobody was watching.

Somehow, I sensed that people were wearing a mask.

But the story didn't end there.

Little did I know that my longing for invisibility would simply change over the years.

Learning to Hide Without Disappearing

I found sneakier ways to hide. They were so good that I didn’t recognise them back then and only found out years later.

The thing was that I didn't like to talk about my successes. At work, I attributed them either to luck or to my team having done an excellent job. And the question of why the team I was managing did a great job never came into my mind.

However, I took full responsibility for everything that went wrong on my team. I saw it as my fault and took the blame. That's how I grew up. Whether I messed up things or not, I was accused of wrongdoing and had to defend myself for everything.

Taking all the criticism wasn't exactly fun, but I also learned how to deal with it.

On a rational level, I had a different explanation. Keeping my team out of the line of fire would allow them to do their jobs. And if they did good work, I might be less under attack accordingly.

Basically, I wanted to be invisible to be left in peace. It was a peace without sunshine, though, as I didn't allow myself to enjoy the warming rays of praise and appreciation.

When the Right People Start to See You

Back in 2010, I was so done with life. I had changed jobs and cities several times. Always hoping for things to get better. Until that illusion finally died.

I asked myself what I wanted to do with my life. The only answer I got was to quit my soul-crushing job and travel through South America for a year.

I didn't tell anybody at work about this plan. But I told everybody in my private life what I was up to. I no longer wanted to hide. Inside me was a big urge to tell the world about my biggest dream.

And the world responded…

Out of seemingly nowhere, I started running into people who had made similar journeys or had been to the countries on my list. They gave me so much valuable advice. But even more importantly, they supported me on levels I had not expected at all. And that even included governmental agencies that I thought would give me quite some backlash. They didn't…

They all wanted me to make the most out of my journey.

That was a totally new experience for me. Nobody was jealous, tried to spoil my plans, or make me doubt them.

That's also when I understood how much it matters who is seeing you.

Being Seen Was Never The Actual Problem

I understood how wonderful it is when people see you and also know what you are doing. Supporting and helping one another is such a very human thing.

• Why would we want to do without that?

• Why would we choose to be invisible?

Maybe none of us chose to be invisible. Maybe we were just never seen and allowed to be for who we really are. We got so used to it that staying invisible somehow started feeling safe. It became our second nature.

Another aspect is that there are people who tend to show off, fake their life, and crave attention out of pure vanity. That's not us. We don't want to be like them.

But does that mean we need to do the opposite and stay invisible?

Imagine you grew up in an environment where you were loved, appreciated, and praised for all the good things you did. You wouldn't hide. You would do your thing and share it with people around you.

You would shine your light, and people around you would be happy for you.

The story is different when you grew up in darker places. Your light was not appreciated there. You adjusted and had to abandon yourself to reduce friction.

Your light was never the problem. Your environment was.

We do not choose where we are born. But we can always strive to go where we belong.

Before You Go…

Many of us forget about our inner light on our journey through life.

We might desperately look for solutions in the world around us and feel lost at some point. That is often when we become ready to look inward.

I wrote a healing journey about Finding Your Inner Light, which you can find here:

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