I was thinking of how much I enjoy reading today's part ( as I do every time) for two reasons.
First, I loved the wording; it was deeply relatable, it described the scapegoat's struggle with setting boundaries clearly, and explained the backstage situation perfectly, without falling into the drama trap.
Second, reading the article felt as if a long train of thoughts, emotions, and feelings was summarised in key points that made everything simpler and easier to manage. And it provided accurate and precious advice.
Some people respect our boundaries, they are exactly as you described, and we are the same for them, or trying to be. It always works both ways.
Thank you so much for this article... it was a pleasure reading it and a great help. Can't wait for the next part. Much love.
For me, it was quite a revelation that there are people who appreciate my presence just for me being me. Most of my life, things felt transactional, and I always tried to adapt the best possible. But that's not necessary any longer once you know that all you need is to find your tribe.
Good post, Part IV has great advice on setting boundaries Tim. You wrote "You don’t have to voice it" and that's sort of how I handled some ongoing bad behavior from a neighbor a few months ago. After she lashed out for at me for no reason (I had asked her a question to better understand her problem she was talking about, and she angrily snarled "I told you before - obviously you didn't listen". Later on when she called or emailed I decided not to respond and take a break to decide how to best handle the situation. I also wanted to avoid a confrontation or more bad behavior. When she became more demanding to know why I was not responding to her I finally explained how I was feeling due to her telling me off. She got very defensive and angry and needless to say our relationship ended for good at that point. So I think I should not have bothered to finally "voice it" as this was not someone who respects other's feelings.
What you describe here is, in large parts is like the Greyrock Method. It's basically to become as boring and non-reactive as possible so that they lose interest in you.
Your neighbor probably had reasons to lash out... but these reasons had nothing to do with you. Sometimes people are so in pain or so bitter inside that this behavior is the only way they cope with their misery.
Of course, that doesn't excuse anything. But knowing that helps a bit to get distance and not take it personally. They would have done the same with a different person if you were not around.
Sometimes it makes sense to call them out. Can be like a punch in the face, which makes them think twice whether they should try that again with you...
I was thinking of how much I enjoy reading today's part ( as I do every time) for two reasons.
First, I loved the wording; it was deeply relatable, it described the scapegoat's struggle with setting boundaries clearly, and explained the backstage situation perfectly, without falling into the drama trap.
Second, reading the article felt as if a long train of thoughts, emotions, and feelings was summarised in key points that made everything simpler and easier to manage. And it provided accurate and precious advice.
Some people respect our boundaries, they are exactly as you described, and we are the same for them, or trying to be. It always works both ways.
Thank you so much for this article... it was a pleasure reading it and a great help. Can't wait for the next part. Much love.
Welcome. 🤗
For me, it was quite a revelation that there are people who appreciate my presence just for me being me. Most of my life, things felt transactional, and I always tried to adapt the best possible. But that's not necessary any longer once you know that all you need is to find your tribe.
Yes. Then every piece falls into place and 🎵Nothing else matters🎵✨
Good post, Part IV has great advice on setting boundaries Tim. You wrote "You don’t have to voice it" and that's sort of how I handled some ongoing bad behavior from a neighbor a few months ago. After she lashed out for at me for no reason (I had asked her a question to better understand her problem she was talking about, and she angrily snarled "I told you before - obviously you didn't listen". Later on when she called or emailed I decided not to respond and take a break to decide how to best handle the situation. I also wanted to avoid a confrontation or more bad behavior. When she became more demanding to know why I was not responding to her I finally explained how I was feeling due to her telling me off. She got very defensive and angry and needless to say our relationship ended for good at that point. So I think I should not have bothered to finally "voice it" as this was not someone who respects other's feelings.
What you describe here is, in large parts is like the Greyrock Method. It's basically to become as boring and non-reactive as possible so that they lose interest in you.
Your neighbor probably had reasons to lash out... but these reasons had nothing to do with you. Sometimes people are so in pain or so bitter inside that this behavior is the only way they cope with their misery.
Of course, that doesn't excuse anything. But knowing that helps a bit to get distance and not take it personally. They would have done the same with a different person if you were not around.
Sometimes it makes sense to call them out. Can be like a punch in the face, which makes them think twice whether they should try that again with you...