It is reassuring to hear someone speak of their experience a further 4 years on from my journey. So much of this rings true for me. Especially the letters, birthdays. All to be expected. However, it takes time to heal from each time, like a new cut. Its hell and sunshine and very lonely all at once.
Yes healing takes time. But at least you allow yourself that time. With distance to toxicity, the wounds can heal so much better. At one point you will see, tho it can take quite some time.
Thanks Tim, that guidance has landed at such a good time. I need to remind myself how long it takes. I am really patient usually. This is confronting that for sure. Timely reminder.
Thank you for sharing your journey and strength. I separated from my family in 1986 after confronting them on the incest happening during my early childhood ages 5-11. They all sided against me. For me, there was really no choice but to leave the family. It's now almost 40 years. I'm in my early 70's. Yes, i have had very difficult times and lots of therapy. I also have found tremendous support and love and compassion. I do know this, i am a survivor. I have a happy life with kind loving friends. The older I get, the more joyful my life has become. None of this would have been possible had I stayed in that family dynamic. I encourage you to seek help when you need it, share your story there are so many others who need to hear it. Remember to treat yourself with loving kindness and compassion. You got this!
What a beautiful story that you made it out of that "hell". It's an inspiration for many who just started their journey.
It took me a long time to make the decision and go no contact with my family. I needed years to heal all that. Maybe would have been "easier" with therapy, but in the end I managed on my own somehow. Not that I'm proud of that... but often such times show you how strong you really are, though you were made to believe otherwise before.
Thank you Tim for sharing💛, it was very moving..I wonder if some people are able to learn from that after you go no contact with them (change, regret what they were doing..).I've been through something similar and even though I felt better without them, I kind of regret that I dont have full family.
Very true and I appreciate your candor Tim. After mistreatment and a major betrayal I went no contact with my three older sisters. 3.5 years later they reached out wanting to re-connect. I caved and agreed. It would be the biggest mistake I ever made. It opened the door for them to inflict more harm and carry out an even bigger betrayal. Walking away from family members is not for the faint of heart, but it will protect your heart in the end. Take good care of you.
Family betrayal happened to me, too. There were other cases before that should have been a clear enough warning. But somehow I hoped for a long time that things what change for the better. Always wondered how some people can be so "unaware". But at one point there is probably no other option to accept reality for what it is.
Your decision took courage. Following through with it took courage. And writing about it is a far-reaching gift. (There are some similarities between your story and mine.)Thank you for sharing this with us, Tim. ☺️
Yes, probably was some courage involved. However, at that time it felt like the only option left for me. Looking back, I wonder how I was able to fill the role that I never chose for so long. And it's also a bit shocking how many go through similar stuff and yet for the public such things cannot be as they regard family as a holy institution. Of course it can be like that... but sometimes can also be the complete opposite.
Yep. The complete opposite. That was my family. And yet, the occasional shades of gray have caught me up at times, like a bug on fly paper. Again, thank you—-from a fellow INFJ, btw.
This is timely as I’m three years into this having left and your experiences resonate very much. Even
regarding non-family friendships changing too and many ending through lack of empathy like yours in many cases. It is the best thing I ever did but also without doubt, the toughest; the aloneness can sometimes ache very much, especially at family holidays. It is better than the abuse and cycles of trauma bonding though by a long way; that hope that maybe this time it’ll be different type internal monologue? It is different now though, because I now choose to never see or speak to any of them ever again. Thank you for your inspiration Tim.
Sometimes I think it's like a detox. First gets worse before it can become better again. But once you learn to set boundaries and mean them you will attract different people
Well, it is kind of a generational thing. Their parents were not really aware of what they were doing. Luckily some can break the cycle and there is more and more information about it out there.
It was as honest as it can get...the first few weeks, thinking that finally you did it, you are done with the past only to find out that the past won't let you go that easy
That was one of the hardest parts. Like you think you got rid of the dragons... and then they fly by suddenly and you ask yourself whether this will ever end. Well, in a way it did as it just makes me sad but doesn't trigger me no more.
I know...because you owed them nothing, only to yourself. And I understand that it freed the soul but I know the pain until that point- and sometimes after...
It is reassuring to hear someone speak of their experience a further 4 years on from my journey. So much of this rings true for me. Especially the letters, birthdays. All to be expected. However, it takes time to heal from each time, like a new cut. Its hell and sunshine and very lonely all at once.
Yes healing takes time. But at least you allow yourself that time. With distance to toxicity, the wounds can heal so much better. At one point you will see, tho it can take quite some time.
Thanks Tim, that guidance has landed at such a good time. I need to remind myself how long it takes. I am really patient usually. This is confronting that for sure. Timely reminder.
I does not have to take long. Guess everyone's journey is different.
But one thing is for sure... when you rush it, it wil take longer. Speaking of own experience here.
Thank you for sharing your journey and strength. I separated from my family in 1986 after confronting them on the incest happening during my early childhood ages 5-11. They all sided against me. For me, there was really no choice but to leave the family. It's now almost 40 years. I'm in my early 70's. Yes, i have had very difficult times and lots of therapy. I also have found tremendous support and love and compassion. I do know this, i am a survivor. I have a happy life with kind loving friends. The older I get, the more joyful my life has become. None of this would have been possible had I stayed in that family dynamic. I encourage you to seek help when you need it, share your story there are so many others who need to hear it. Remember to treat yourself with loving kindness and compassion. You got this!
What a beautiful story that you made it out of that "hell". It's an inspiration for many who just started their journey.
It took me a long time to make the decision and go no contact with my family. I needed years to heal all that. Maybe would have been "easier" with therapy, but in the end I managed on my own somehow. Not that I'm proud of that... but often such times show you how strong you really are, though you were made to believe otherwise before.
Thank you Tim for sharing💛, it was very moving..I wonder if some people are able to learn from that after you go no contact with them (change, regret what they were doing..).I've been through something similar and even though I felt better without them, I kind of regret that I dont have full family.
Probably not having a full family is kind of a core wound. Like a part of you is missing and you will never get that.
But we all grow on different grounds. Some are more fertile than others and you can only make the best of what you have gotten.
Very true and I appreciate your candor Tim. After mistreatment and a major betrayal I went no contact with my three older sisters. 3.5 years later they reached out wanting to re-connect. I caved and agreed. It would be the biggest mistake I ever made. It opened the door for them to inflict more harm and carry out an even bigger betrayal. Walking away from family members is not for the faint of heart, but it will protect your heart in the end. Take good care of you.
Family betrayal happened to me, too. There were other cases before that should have been a clear enough warning. But somehow I hoped for a long time that things what change for the better. Always wondered how some people can be so "unaware". But at one point there is probably no other option to accept reality for what it is.
Your decision took courage. Following through with it took courage. And writing about it is a far-reaching gift. (There are some similarities between your story and mine.)Thank you for sharing this with us, Tim. ☺️
Yes, probably was some courage involved. However, at that time it felt like the only option left for me. Looking back, I wonder how I was able to fill the role that I never chose for so long. And it's also a bit shocking how many go through similar stuff and yet for the public such things cannot be as they regard family as a holy institution. Of course it can be like that... but sometimes can also be the complete opposite.
Yep. The complete opposite. That was my family. And yet, the occasional shades of gray have caught me up at times, like a bug on fly paper. Again, thank you—-from a fellow INFJ, btw.
Thank you for your honesty and your strength in trusting your heart and soul. We sometimes need to go through Hell before we start to heal.
Cheers
To your Health on every level.
A fellow member of the finding me tribe.
Yes. There is this saying: The only way out of hell is through it.
Speaking of the light at the end of the tunnel is not so much different from that.
This is timely as I’m three years into this having left and your experiences resonate very much. Even
regarding non-family friendships changing too and many ending through lack of empathy like yours in many cases. It is the best thing I ever did but also without doubt, the toughest; the aloneness can sometimes ache very much, especially at family holidays. It is better than the abuse and cycles of trauma bonding though by a long way; that hope that maybe this time it’ll be different type internal monologue? It is different now though, because I now choose to never see or speak to any of them ever again. Thank you for your inspiration Tim.
Sometimes I think it's like a detox. First gets worse before it can become better again. But once you learn to set boundaries and mean them you will attract different people
Yes I am learning this. I cannot tolerate friendships which cannot respect boundaries now! It’s too much…
So you boundaries will hold 👍
That's what they are for.
Great piece, Tim, restacked
Thank you. Now I feel honored like someone who was "knighted"😊
Ha! Go forth and continue to create, good Sir.
🧸
Thanks for your highly relatable, well expressed account, outlining all the obstacles faced by the offspring of these so-called parents.
Well, it is kind of a generational thing. Their parents were not really aware of what they were doing. Luckily some can break the cycle and there is more and more information about it out there.
Such a brilliant article and so true. Thank you for this.
Thank you for your lovely feedback 🤗
It was as honest as it can get...the first few weeks, thinking that finally you did it, you are done with the past only to find out that the past won't let you go that easy
That was one of the hardest parts. Like you think you got rid of the dragons... and then they fly by suddenly and you ask yourself whether this will ever end. Well, in a way it did as it just makes me sad but doesn't trigger me no more.
♥️
I know...because you owed them nothing, only to yourself. And I understand that it freed the soul but I know the pain until that point- and sometimes after...
Yes. I wanted to give honest review so that people know what it takes.
In former times when you cut off your family you were basically doomed.
It's soul eating until you find yourself. What you went through
Actually it freed the soul...
Ah, Tim...
Yes?