This is wonderful Tim! I struggle with the term forgiveness but love the description here. Transmuting the pain of the past and bringing kindness to the world is a wonderful way to break the cycle.
You're absolutely right. Smiles are my go to. I love that you can practically see sometimes when a smile is going to change someone's day. I have to admit, I'm often the first to do it but when others smile at me before I get the chance it does change my day. Pretty simple rule to live by. Thank you for your reply and your lovely, refreshing positivity.
Hi Tim, something interesting just happened. First, I just wrote a reply to a writer friend's post with a description of the frequent phenomenon of synchronicity in my life. Moments before this, I had written to another writer friend and had mentioned one of my posts that was directly relevant to what he had just written. Now, I have just read your essay on the role of kindness as a result of generational trauma and the very same article I had just mentioned to the other writer is directly relevant to your article. The theme of mine is very similar. Please keep in mind I am not at all trying to promote my article or my Substack. I only felt I should write you for the dual reasons of telling you about the synchronistic occurrence between us and to share information in my essay which you might find of interest. I do have another motive in trying to share this. I'd like to influence readers and other writers to focus some of their material, at least occasionally, on the topic of sharing kindness. In our nation's current socio/political climate we need kindness more than ever before. It feels like such a large portion of the population has forgotten this simple but vital gesture which is easy and costs nothing. All people need is a subtle reminder. Thank you for your significant, thoughtful and heartfelt essay. I'm sorry for what you had to experience in order to arrive at this place of understanding and wisdom in which you live now.
Totally agree to the gentle reminder. When you read the news these days it feels like "me, myself and I" culture is spreading like a cancer.
But I have also noticed that when you interact with people that no matter what nation, most are kind when you are respectful. And a simple smile which basically says "I see you" can open so many doors.
Sometimes all a cold heart needs is a bit of warmth to remember better times and that in a way we are traveling on the same "space ship" throught the universe.
The timing of this insight on forgiveness is a synchronicity I
am very grateful for. This understanding of what forgiveness can be makes sense to me - I want to read the Brene Brown book now! Like you I had a traditional (biblical?) understanding of the word. Now I see it as seeking freedom from resentment and anger and actually, by understanding what the previous generation could not do for whatever reasons instead of saying ‘they did their best’ etc, I am moving more to realising that they chose the actions they chose for reasons they did which does not excuse their behaviour but helps explain it’s origins. I can now choose to keep those people out of my life - for my benefit - not out of resentment or anger but out of self care and love for the inner child they never chose to love and nurture. That is forgiveness to me today. For them love was only ever the need to control by any means possible.
Yes, I guess the "reconciliation" interpretation is somewhat Christian. I remember that from my grandparents, who were quite into church. I never really understood that, and it kinda repelled me.
Nowadays I understand why countries have sometimes very strong protected borders. It keeps the peace. And it might take decades or longer until two neighbor countries can feel like friends (again).
This explanation of kindness is serendipitous. Lately, I have been musing the importance of kindness. For too long, I conflated it with people pleasing. It didn't do me any favours. I can already see a shift in people's reactions...
When I was at very low points kindness from others made me feel seen. Then I also tried. First started slowly smiling at dogs to see how they react. It is magic.
Then also smiled softly at elder people. In some cases it broke the ice and I could see how a spark lit their flame. In find it wonderful experiences when a little kindness helps to connect and make your day and that of others just a little better.
Processing your past can take a long time and be very painful. I have walked through quite some darkness, as you can see in some of my other posts here and on Quora.
So it is not that I want to minimize anyone's pain.
It is more about which path you decide on after you have understood not only what happened to you but also the underlying (generational) dynamics.
Revenge and seeking control over others may feel "satisfying".
Choosing kindness can mean that you'll be the change that you want to see in the world. Simply because you know how terrible the opposite feels and you want this to end (for you and for others).
Thanks. I find it hard to swallow that those of us who dealt with so much trauma and abuse is to feel the pain (which I have and continue to do) and then have only kindness other than fighting back against childhood abuse and trauma.
This is wonderful Tim! I struggle with the term forgiveness but love the description here. Transmuting the pain of the past and bringing kindness to the world is a wonderful way to break the cycle.
Thank you 🤗
For me the word "forgiveness" was too loaded in a religious way. But that was just how I understood it until I stumbled on what it actually means.
Still will not use it in daily life 😅 I find "understanding and processing" your past much more tangible.
You're absolutely right. Smiles are my go to. I love that you can practically see sometimes when a smile is going to change someone's day. I have to admit, I'm often the first to do it but when others smile at me before I get the chance it does change my day. Pretty simple rule to live by. Thank you for your reply and your lovely, refreshing positivity.
Thank you for your warm and supportive feedback. Now can call it a weekend (am based in Germany).
Hi Tim, something interesting just happened. First, I just wrote a reply to a writer friend's post with a description of the frequent phenomenon of synchronicity in my life. Moments before this, I had written to another writer friend and had mentioned one of my posts that was directly relevant to what he had just written. Now, I have just read your essay on the role of kindness as a result of generational trauma and the very same article I had just mentioned to the other writer is directly relevant to your article. The theme of mine is very similar. Please keep in mind I am not at all trying to promote my article or my Substack. I only felt I should write you for the dual reasons of telling you about the synchronistic occurrence between us and to share information in my essay which you might find of interest. I do have another motive in trying to share this. I'd like to influence readers and other writers to focus some of their material, at least occasionally, on the topic of sharing kindness. In our nation's current socio/political climate we need kindness more than ever before. It feels like such a large portion of the population has forgotten this simple but vital gesture which is easy and costs nothing. All people need is a subtle reminder. Thank you for your significant, thoughtful and heartfelt essay. I'm sorry for what you had to experience in order to arrive at this place of understanding and wisdom in which you live now.
Totally agree to the gentle reminder. When you read the news these days it feels like "me, myself and I" culture is spreading like a cancer.
But I have also noticed that when you interact with people that no matter what nation, most are kind when you are respectful. And a simple smile which basically says "I see you" can open so many doors.
Sometimes all a cold heart needs is a bit of warmth to remember better times and that in a way we are traveling on the same "space ship" throught the universe.
And even if there are no better times to be remembered...the warmth between kind hearts starts creating wonderful times...
Yep. If I remember correctly, it was Maya Angelou who said:
People will always remember how you made them feel.
Love it
🧸
The timing of this insight on forgiveness is a synchronicity I
am very grateful for. This understanding of what forgiveness can be makes sense to me - I want to read the Brene Brown book now! Like you I had a traditional (biblical?) understanding of the word. Now I see it as seeking freedom from resentment and anger and actually, by understanding what the previous generation could not do for whatever reasons instead of saying ‘they did their best’ etc, I am moving more to realising that they chose the actions they chose for reasons they did which does not excuse their behaviour but helps explain it’s origins. I can now choose to keep those people out of my life - for my benefit - not out of resentment or anger but out of self care and love for the inner child they never chose to love and nurture. That is forgiveness to me today. For them love was only ever the need to control by any means possible.
Thank you Tim. 🙏🏻✨
Yes, I guess the "reconciliation" interpretation is somewhat Christian. I remember that from my grandparents, who were quite into church. I never really understood that, and it kinda repelled me.
Nowadays I understand why countries have sometimes very strong protected borders. It keeps the peace. And it might take decades or longer until two neighbor countries can feel like friends (again).
Exactly - I like that analogy - strong borders - necessary to prevent people who think they can invade yours at any time out! 👌🏻
This explanation of kindness is serendipitous. Lately, I have been musing the importance of kindness. For too long, I conflated it with people pleasing. It didn't do me any favours. I can already see a shift in people's reactions...
When I was at very low points kindness from others made me feel seen. Then I also tried. First started slowly smiling at dogs to see how they react. It is magic.
Then also smiled softly at elder people. In some cases it broke the ice and I could see how a spark lit their flame. In find it wonderful experiences when a little kindness helps to connect and make your day and that of others just a little better.
There is an advocate - I can't remember the name - of the importance of random acts of kindness. The concept is akin to 'guerilla gardening'. 💐
Oh... haven't heard about the guerilla gardening. Will check it out 👍
Absolutely true...know it first hand, lived it exactly as described...
Yes, for man it is like this. Not only the own patterns repeat but it seems it also does on a somewhat societal level
Bullshit
How so?
I think that’s like telling us to “pull our selves up by the bootstraps.” I haven’t had a lot of kindness or protection since I was 10.
Umm but that is not what I meant...
Processing your past can take a long time and be very painful. I have walked through quite some darkness, as you can see in some of my other posts here and on Quora.
So it is not that I want to minimize anyone's pain.
It is more about which path you decide on after you have understood not only what happened to you but also the underlying (generational) dynamics.
Revenge and seeking control over others may feel "satisfying".
Choosing kindness can mean that you'll be the change that you want to see in the world. Simply because you know how terrible the opposite feels and you want this to end (for you and for others).
Thanks. I find it hard to swallow that those of us who dealt with so much trauma and abuse is to feel the pain (which I have and continue to do) and then have only kindness other than fighting back against childhood abuse and trauma.
Thanks. It’s been really hard to realize how much denial I was in and have to wrestle with how much I protected th trauma and abuse.