Stuck in Your Trauma Healing?

When healing felt like too much, this is what helped me through the lows.

Healing from trauma can be quite a messy journey. We know that it comes with ups and downs. Seems nothing wrong with taking a little dip after making a big leap forward. And in fact it isn't.

The problem is that these dips often feel like major setbacks. As if your healing never happened, and you had just been fooling yourself.

Now, all you see is you standing in the darkness and wondering where all the light has gone. It is not only in your mind, but you also feel exhausted and are depleted of your energy. No wonder that you question whether your healing was real and whether you have fallen into a much deeper hole.

I have been at that place several times.

Instead of telling you that everything will be fine, I share with you my firsthand experience of what worked for me and what was rather counterproductive.

Why do we fall into down phases?

Healing is exhausting. That would be the simple answer.

It is an answer that sounds like you can do nothing about it. Like you have to deal with it. The only option then would be to soften the darkness for the times you feel low.

For me, healing from trauma has two aspects.

The first is literally healing your wounds, like a broken leg, for example. When the bone has grown back together, the healing is finished. Your leg feels fine, but you will need some training before you can go jogging with it again. If you try too early, you will run into problems (pun intended).

The second aspect is that healing from trauma also comes with a transformation. Yes, you heal, but you also change. In a way, you become a different person… at least that is what your environment gets to see. From your perspective, it is more like becoming who you really are. And yes, that can be very exhausting, too.

Imagine a caterpillar that retreats into a self-spun cocoon and then wakes up as a butterfly. In the beginning, it will feel amazingly light and enjoy its new colors. But then the butterfly has to learn to fly and interact with the world in a completely new way. Can be quite exhausting and depressing in the beginning…

You’re not broken. You’re just in the middle of becoming someone new.

What helped me on my healing journey

Before I come to the actual tips, the most important thing is that you trust in your healing process. This means that you need to have some patience with yourself.

You can't force yourself out of a low point in your healing journey, no matter how much you wish or try. In a way, your soul takes over. Your job basically is to reduce the resistance.

If applying the below tips does not change your situation within two weeks, it may be a good idea to seek professional help.

Talk about it

Sometimes all we need is to be hugged. Knowing that you are not alone with your pain and somebody cares is often all it takes to lighten up your situation.

In Germany, there is a saying: Shared pain is half the pain.

For many, hugging is not an option since it is actually quite rare in many cultures.

Finding someone who genuinely listens to you is almost as good. It helps to get your frustration out and reduces the weight on your shoulders a bit.

The more you trust a person, the more open you will be to the perspectives this person can show you. It could well be that you are blind to your own strengths and the paths that show up directly in front of you.

But others can see the obvious and point it out to you.

Journal about it

Rumination is an endless loop that is almost impossible to break free from by using only your mind. It is like a cat chasing its tail.

Getting your thoughts on paper with a pen comes with two advantages.

You naturally slow down the loop as you cannot write as fast as you think. Once a thought is written down on paper, you are less likely to think it again. Instead, you will reflect on the thought and thus find a way out of your loop.

Another advantage of writing with your hand is that you get from your mind into your body. You will feel the pen between your fingers, and you have to concentrate on your movements to write anything readable.

Take a walk and spend time in nature

Even when your energy levels are low, you will still be able to take a walk. Yes, you may struggle to overcome inertia, but once you are out the door, it is not a problem anymore.

And then you walk for one hour or maybe two.

Walking gets your body moving, which comes with so many positive side effects. It is one of the reasons why old people are often advised to get a dog. They could also get a cat for their emotional health… but as we all know, a cat doesn't need to be walked twice a day (at least).

I found it amazing how much walking in nature calmed my nervous system. The longer I walked, the more peaceful my mind became. I enjoyed listening to the birds around me, smelling flowers, fresh mowed grass, or the rain. Sensory inputs like these stimulate different thoughts in your brain.

The earth has a rhythm. When you walk, your nervous system remembers it.

Take it easy and allow yourself to rest

This one was the toughest lesson for me.

Taking a rest felt like being useless and lazy, as if I had given up on life. Yet stepping out of the self-imposed hamster wheel of constant productivity helped me most to get out of the low points of my healing journey.

Your worth isn’t measured by how much you do — but how deeply you allow yourself to just be.

I thought that I just needed a few days to recharge my batteries. But as mentioned above, I also needed energy for the transformative side of trauma healing.

Once I was so exhausted that I allowed myself to do next to nothing for a WHOLE week.

Of course, I took some walks, prepared my own food, listened to music, and had a comfy time on my couch and allowed myself all the rest my body was asking for. But I did nothing that felt like a duty or that came with any pressure.

First, I was a bit skeptical. I thought that basically doing nothing would turn me into a couch potato.

It didn't.

There is quite a difference between consciously allowing yourself to rest versus stuffing junk food into yourself while binge-watching series to escape reality.

In short: It is about your intention behind taking a rest.

Once you have had enough rest, your body will tell you. Besides having higher energy levels, you will automatically be more active again.

Eat healthy food

You are what you eat. It is a simple truth that everybody knows about.

But when we are stressed out and feel low, we often forget to give our body the nutrition it needs.

The formula is pretty simple. Make sure that you eat fresh food. Preparing it by yourself is the icing on the cake. And by I don't mean putting stuff in the microwave.

Chopping your veggies, watching potatoes boil, and so on can be quite meditative and relaxes the mind.

Food isn’t just fuel — it’s information, medicine, and self-respect.

Make day trips

Changing your environment can have a huge effect on how you see and experience the world.

So if you can, go to places you have not been before. That can be a neighboring city, a different in a big town you are living in, or something as simple as visiting a museum.

Just make sure it is not a rushed experience and that you can basically go with the flow.

Besides seeing new things, such trips are often also a good opportunity to see new people. It is a bit like every city or bigger district comes with a different vibe.

Such experiences allow your brain to become a bit of a childlike explorer again.

When you step into new places, stuck energy starts to move too.

Do some art

You don't need to be an artist or have any talent for doing some art.

As children, we naturally loved drawing and didn't care about the results at all.

Not sure what happens with our brains when we become adults. But speaking of myself, I refused to do any arts as I made myself believe that I was not any good at it.

But while taking a rest, I heard my inner voice say: “Tim, try drawing. It is fun."

So I bought a couple of pens, watched some YouTube videos, and followed free lessons. I managed to get some things down on paper and am surprised how much fun it is when you do the whole thing without any expectations.

It is not only about the fun. That's just a side effect.

The magic lies in the sensory experiences and expressing yourself on a totally different level. When you do it right, you will be in a flow state and feel like a child again. That's among the best experiences you can give your body, mind, and soul.

If you are not into drawing, you can try playing an instrument, or just anything that allows you to express yourself.

Art isn’t about talent. It’s about giving your soul a language beyond words.

Things to avoid

As humans, we like to take shortcuts. Trying to speed up the healing process is a natural desire when you feel low and know that things could be much better.

But that's not how things work for healing from trauma.

I tried to improve my energy levels with an extra coffee or by eating something sweet. Such stimulants only worked for the moment, and after the effect faded, I craved more. It was somewhat of a downward spiral.

It is the same with calming yourself down before going to sleep with a good night beer. Yes, it can work if you do it only every few months. But it will never give you healthy sleep and basically just makes things worse.

The best thing you can do is to get out of your own way. Don't resist the natural flow of the healing process. Don't force things. Instead, learn to trust the process and support it with feeling good in your body.