Thank you for posting this, the solitude is a real thing and sometimes it feels like we’re truly alone to face life’s hurdles. I’ve found when we learn to identify and get rid of the narcissistic introject and become much kinder to ourselves, allowing the space for that self love and reassurance fill us ,you’ll find an inner strength that always was there but somehow we were unaware of it til now. Peace and love to all my fellow scapegoats. We got this 💪🏽
Yes, sometimes it is spooky how much the environment and the people we are with shape us. But there is also a chance in it.... change your environment and your life will also change. My Latin America journey did that for me in a way.
This is such an honest and accurate portrayal of the waking up to realising your scapegoat story. It is so cruel, even more when you identify the friends you have made are also not their for you. I agree you can read about it and still not identify with it, until it is felt. That's why I have chosen to make my writing about the vulnerability of the experience, rather than just the subject. I saw myself in many parts of these words. It is brave to break the cycle. Well done.
Thank you. Now I have a bit distance to all that and it is "easier" to write about it.
Well the thing with the "friends" is a bit different. I held the family image up high... like I had a good and healthy family. So when I much later tried to reveal the truth they didn't believe me... and then I think it is a common problem that family is regarded as something "sacred". It is sometimes quite interesting how many beliefs we are given and not really question...
I do find once a scapegoat always a scapegoat, until you can name it and see it for what it is.. It is for me. Especially with partners. Still identifying other times when I have been scapegoated. It is a relief to find out when it hasn't occurred. People love to project their shadow onto sensitive souls. I am enjoying reading other people's stories as it helps 'me too' it collectively.
Yes. I only touched this as a side note. But that is basically what I meant by repeating patterns. I guess sometimes we perform so well in our roles that we attract similar dynamics as we are a good "match" there.
I’m 78 and finally just left my Toxic family system. I want to encourage other seniors that it’s never too late to turn your life around and begin to live the Truth of who you really Are.—-I was born and raised in Silicon Valley when it was beautiful orchards and farm land so I have moved back to a rural foothill area, because this is where I know I do best—being close to Nature. I’m also 100% Danish so I can relate to the same cold, critical, insensitive ways of your parents Tim. The film Sensitive the Untold Story and Rebecca Mandeville’s work have also helped me tremendously. Thank you for sharing your Scapegoat experiences. As the oldest and Parentified daughter, I can So Relate to your suffering. ❤️🩹
Thank you. Sounds like it is never too late to free yourself from structures that do not value you.
I know there the further up North you go, the less "emotional" people are in general. Have even experienced that in Germany. Southern provinces are much emotionally warmer.
Nevertheless... people can still value you independent of their openness and warmth.
I guess HSPs are just bound to suffer more being born into a Northern European family system, regardless of their mother’s mental health issues. ———Robert Redford just passed. I believe his only Oscar was for directing Ordinary People. I watched it again last night. Mary Tyler Moore did a fantastic job playing my mother. It’s a wonderfully educational 🎥 film.
Until in my case the chief narc crushed any life out of anything i ever created. It was always put down in some way - or gaslit - whereas the golden child’s breath was treated as practically sacred….
Humm... but then you know the point from where on re-parenting could make sense.
When I started my healing journey a lot of dark memories came to the surface. Took quite some time process them and was not easy at all. But it is possible, tho in the beginning you may have many doubts.
Thank you. I think that finally seeing the narcissistic family dynamic for what it was / is and contravening understanding why things were so messed up as a child and adult in ‘family life’ has been a huge relief. But really seeing the wound it caused which is deep and may never fully heal (I was a child living through that which I know you understand from your writing) has shaken me to my essence - at times it’s been unbearable.
The wound can heal. Scars may remain. But there are so many souls who have shown that healing is posssible. And sometimes all you need is to surround yourself with lovely people who truly see you. That alone will not bring the healing... but it will sserve as a compass for what you want to integrate in your life. And your brain will help you find that.
Thank you for posting this, the solitude is a real thing and sometimes it feels like we’re truly alone to face life’s hurdles. I’ve found when we learn to identify and get rid of the narcissistic introject and become much kinder to ourselves, allowing the space for that self love and reassurance fill us ,you’ll find an inner strength that always was there but somehow we were unaware of it til now. Peace and love to all my fellow scapegoats. We got this 💪🏽
Yes, sometimes it is spooky how much the environment and the people we are with shape us. But there is also a chance in it.... change your environment and your life will also change. My Latin America journey did that for me in a way.
The scapegoats thank YOU 💐🧸
This is such an honest and accurate portrayal of the waking up to realising your scapegoat story. It is so cruel, even more when you identify the friends you have made are also not their for you. I agree you can read about it and still not identify with it, until it is felt. That's why I have chosen to make my writing about the vulnerability of the experience, rather than just the subject. I saw myself in many parts of these words. It is brave to break the cycle. Well done.
Thank you. Now I have a bit distance to all that and it is "easier" to write about it.
Well the thing with the "friends" is a bit different. I held the family image up high... like I had a good and healthy family. So when I much later tried to reveal the truth they didn't believe me... and then I think it is a common problem that family is regarded as something "sacred". It is sometimes quite interesting how many beliefs we are given and not really question...
I do find once a scapegoat always a scapegoat, until you can name it and see it for what it is.. It is for me. Especially with partners. Still identifying other times when I have been scapegoated. It is a relief to find out when it hasn't occurred. People love to project their shadow onto sensitive souls. I am enjoying reading other people's stories as it helps 'me too' it collectively.
Yes. I only touched this as a side note. But that is basically what I meant by repeating patterns. I guess sometimes we perform so well in our roles that we attract similar dynamics as we are a good "match" there.
I’m 78 and finally just left my Toxic family system. I want to encourage other seniors that it’s never too late to turn your life around and begin to live the Truth of who you really Are.—-I was born and raised in Silicon Valley when it was beautiful orchards and farm land so I have moved back to a rural foothill area, because this is where I know I do best—being close to Nature. I’m also 100% Danish so I can relate to the same cold, critical, insensitive ways of your parents Tim. The film Sensitive the Untold Story and Rebecca Mandeville’s work have also helped me tremendously. Thank you for sharing your Scapegoat experiences. As the oldest and Parentified daughter, I can So Relate to your suffering. ❤️🩹
Thank you. Sounds like it is never too late to free yourself from structures that do not value you.
I know there the further up North you go, the less "emotional" people are in general. Have even experienced that in Germany. Southern provinces are much emotionally warmer.
Nevertheless... people can still value you independent of their openness and warmth.
I guess HSPs are just bound to suffer more being born into a Northern European family system, regardless of their mother’s mental health issues. ———Robert Redford just passed. I believe his only Oscar was for directing Ordinary People. I watched it again last night. Mary Tyler Moore did a fantastic job playing my mother. It’s a wonderfully educational 🎥 film.
Great reflections on what it is like to be the family scapegoat Tim. This part really resonates for me. ⬇
"As a scapegoat, you carry the weight for others. And no matter how much you carry for them, it will never be enough.
Nobody will ever say thank you. Quite the opposite—when you can no longer carry the weight, you may even be blamed."
Thank you.
Now I know what I can quote once I add voice-over and post it in my notes.
I love this! Thank you.
Welcome and thank you for your feedback 🧸
This: 👌🏻💥’But there is something in us that wants us to live, thrive, to shine.
That something can work magic.
All you need to do is listen.
I listened and started expressing my creativity in different ways.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Welcome. And yes, it can be truly magical. As children, we had better access to this "thing" inside us and were much more playful and creative.
Until in my case the chief narc crushed any life out of anything i ever created. It was always put down in some way - or gaslit - whereas the golden child’s breath was treated as practically sacred….
Humm... but then you know the point from where on re-parenting could make sense.
When I started my healing journey a lot of dark memories came to the surface. Took quite some time process them and was not easy at all. But it is possible, tho in the beginning you may have many doubts.
Thank you. I think that finally seeing the narcissistic family dynamic for what it was / is and contravening understanding why things were so messed up as a child and adult in ‘family life’ has been a huge relief. But really seeing the wound it caused which is deep and may never fully heal (I was a child living through that which I know you understand from your writing) has shaken me to my essence - at times it’s been unbearable.
The wound can heal. Scars may remain. But there are so many souls who have shown that healing is posssible. And sometimes all you need is to surround yourself with lovely people who truly see you. That alone will not bring the healing... but it will sserve as a compass for what you want to integrate in your life. And your brain will help you find that.
Amazing...✨✨✨
Aww, thank you 🧸