Scapegoat Healing Journey - Part VII
Living in alignment with your true self
The previous part was about the void. It’s the transition phase between your old and new life.
In the beginning, you will enjoy the peace and emptiness that the void will bring. It’s a soft reset after all your healing work.
The body recalibrates and needs a lot of rest. Healing is exhausting. We all know that.
After a few weeks or months in the void, you wonder how much more time this stage will take. You become impatient, crave making progress, and finally complete your healing journey.
You probably guessed it. You can’t rush through the void. It takes as much time as your body needs, and the more you allow the healing to happen, the smoother the ride will be.
But there is something I can tell you...
The void won’t be over with a sudden bang. The changes your body is going through are subtle, and so will be the changes you experience within yourself and in the world around you.
And that’s exactly what I’ll be talking about in this part.
From Survival To Actively Living Your Life
As a scapegoat, you lived most of your life in survival mode. You became an overthinker, learned to walk on eggshells, and saw things coming before others could.
Your nervous system was hyperalert. It may not have felt like that for you, as it was your nature. But in the end, it comes down to this:
You haven’t experienced peace, and you have no idea what feeling safe is like.
The void gave you a first taste of what a safe life can feel like.
Your nervous system will need some time to accept your new truth. The point is that your life with feeling safe as a base level will be a completely different life.
Imagine there is nothing to worry about, and you could live life as if there was always a safety net under you. For sure, you would live life totally differently—a bit like a child who enjoys the moment and makes the best out of it.
Of course, bad things can still happen here and there. But then you do what a real queen does. You shake it off, put your crown back in place, and continue with life.
You will experience a new lightness. The quality of life changes from something you have to master into a journey you want to experience to the fullest.
Embodying Your Authenticity
In the previous parts, you learned to set boundaries and defend them against people who treat violating them like a sport.
In the beginning, this will mainly help your energy level. But the effect goes further.
Healthy people are totally fine with your boundaries. You won’t need to explain or even justify your boundaries to them. You say, "No, I don’t want to,” and it’s fine for them.
Can you imagine how light life can feel when things are that easy?
People who value and respect you want to see you shine. It’s a matter of empathy, but also the understanding that shared happiness is double the happiness.
In other words, your last barriers to hiding yourself will fall. You’ll learn that you can show the real you. There is no need to please others or to play small.
You were born into this world to show who you are.
Yes, it’s as simple as that.
Once you have freed yourself from the burdens of the past, it’s your time to shine like the diamond in your crown.
In other words, you will experience how powerful your boundaries are. They not only keep toxic people at a distance, but they also show who you are.
You show the world who you are, and the people who resonate with you will gravitate towards you.
This may sound like magic, but it isn’t. It will just feel like that because most of your life was about survival and not about living authentically.
Rediscovering Your Inner Compass
When you don’t know who you are and why you are here, you don’t know where to go.
A life in survival is a life without direction. It’s going in circles. No wonder it feels meaningless and painful.
But take a look at nature.
A squirrel knows that it’s a squirrel. It doesn’t try to please others by pretending to be a small mouse. Instead, it knows its role in the ecosystem, has fun hunting nuts, and loves to bring a little warmth to our human hearts.
The squirrel also senses when winter is about to come. Then it becomes hyperactive, eats and hides nuts like crazy to prepare for the great rest.
The squirrel follows its instincts. We, humans, are made to follow our inner compass.
Of course, that only works with a calm nervous system. When our inner world is still, the needle will find its resting point and show us the direction.
We can feel this inner knowing. And since no magnetic compass is perfect, a calm brain adds reasoning to the picture.
This may all sound a bit abstract. The point I want to make is that you reconnect with your inner compass once you no longer have to worry about survival.
Once you feel this inner guidance again, you have made it out of the void, and your new life has put down its first roots.
Dignity
This is a big one.
As a scapegoat, you were never allowed to be who you really are. You had to play a role you never chose to survive.
You didn’t know your value, and the ones closest to you saw everything in you that they rejected about themselves.
That’s anything but dignity.
Dignity is having an inherent value without doing anything. You don’t have to prove your value. You don’t have to please anybody or play a role.
You are valuable simply for being as you are PERIOD.
Being of value is not a rational concept; it’s about being connected with your body and the world around you.
You feel worthy when, deep inside, you know you belong.
The rational mind cannot grasp what belonging truly means. But your body can—and it will.
Imagine a squirrel coming to your door. Seeing it makes you instantly happy. The squirrel has value for you simply for being a squirrel.
And the same will happen to you when you show the world who you really are.
That’s when you know you belong and that you have come this far on the Scapegoat Healing Journey.
If this chapter resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.
And if it didn’t, I’ll take your criticism as a golden opportunity to grow.
What’s Coming Next
Scapegoat Healing Journey Part VIII
Part VIII tells a quiet but powerful story from my past—one that resurfaced only after healing and helped me understand my journey in a completely new light.
Great post Tim, and lots resonates.
Once again, an amazing article! I will remember that just as we become happy seeing a squirrel (exactly because it's a squirrel, and it knows it's one), we will feel happy and that we belong (as ourselves).