On Being Strong

I always wondered what it means to be strong.

People told me they admired my calm and self-esteem. For me, this made no sense, as I was full of self-doubt and felt like a fragile, vulnerable being.

Sometimes I wondered how I made it this far in life.

Like many others, I faced some heavy storms in life. When I got out of them I attributed it to the good look. It never entered my mind that I was indeed resilient and strong enough to master hardship in life.

With the goals and successes I achieved it was similar. Yes, I worked hard to achieve them. But when I held the trophy in my hands it felt like a lucky bubble that would pop anytime soon. In other words, I thought of myself as an imposter.

I admired people who did not have self-doubt, and who were optimistic goal-getters. They radiated strength and had the charisma of a lion entering the scene.

But then I began to understand that lions are only strong compared to animals they hunt down successfully. Some animals are indeed strong enough to escape them while others get help from their buddies.

And then there is the black mamba. Her venom kills a lion within hours. She is aware of her vulnerability, acts quickly, and then escapes for shelter.

Moral of the story:

Even the strong and proud lion is not always the strongest.

Maybe the lion knows about this. But he doesn't waste time ruminating about his potential weaknesses. Instead, he follows nature's call and trusts his inherent strength.

And that is where it becomes tricky. Introverts (especially INFJs) are prone to overthinking. It is part of our DNA.

To some degree, it is a blessing as overthinking can help to make sense of the own inner rich world. The curse is that you get stuck all in your head and lose touch with reality especially when trapped in the Ni-Ti loop.

The antidote to overthinking and being overly self-critical is getting in touch with your feelings.

For a long time, I had no idea what this meant. Cold showers were the quickest exercise to get the lesson. I still remember how alive this made me. I could feel every single cell in my body vibrating.

Other exercises where I had to fully focus on my body and had no space left for thinking did the same trick. I had to do this for quite a while to really feel connected to the vessel I carry with me all my life.

So what does it mean to be strong?

Nowadays I think that everybody who made it to the next day is strong. Of course, some days are easier than others. But as long as you can stand up and walk the path of life, you are strong.

Life will beat you down many times. But then you stand up again and take the next steps through the journey of life.

The main problem with feeling weak is often the perspective. Overthinking often plays in the realms of the future. You worry about how to get to the summit of the huge mountain right in front of you instead of concentrating just on the very next step.

Connecting with your body gets you out of the head… out of future worries into the present now.

Sometimes you only know how strong are when you look back on the path you have already mastered.