Notes to Myself - Part II

Life Lessons I Need to Remind Myself of Regularly

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It's funny, people often ask me for advice and tell me how well it worked for them. But a few weeks later, I often find out that I should drink my own medicine.

Part I was about general guidelines for life. You can find it here:

Notes to Myself - Part I

Part II is of a different nature. It’s about the reminders that I should write down in bold red and stick them to something right in front of my nose—so I never forget (again).

Image by Jayanth Muppaneni

Don't Forget to Rest

Working hard and generating output is so seductive. Being productive and achieving things makes me feel worthy and useful in this world. And when one project is finished, I think of the next one. There is nothing wrong with that, as I like the challenge. However, I too often forget to take a rest…

Then my mood is low, and I feel mentally and physically exhausted. My body doesn't want to cooperate anymore and makes it more than clear that no machine can run forever.

With sports exercises, it is so much easier. When you train for a marathon, you follow a plan. You learn that your body needs rest when you push hard. The body needs to relax, and muscles need time to grow.

I never had a problem accepting this simple truth for stress on my body. However, I only learned recently that there are also limits to my mental capacity. Why should it be any different?

Reduce the News

Whenever I needed peace of mind, I reduced my news intake. It's incredible how much drama there is in the world, and recently, it just got so much worse.

News outlets make their money with advertising. They use every trick in the book to make us crave the next update and let us believe that the information we get is essential for our lives.

But the truth is that the news is completely irrelevant.

Yes, I want to take it that far.

News is largely (toxic) entertainment. Of course, the weather report has some value when I want to plan a bicycle tour or live in an area where the weather could be dangerous and thus directly affect me.

I haven't read or watched the news for over a year, when I was traveling through Latin America. I didn't miss it at all. The very important things I got to hear through people, anyway.

We know how important it is to eat healthy. The same goes for what we put in our brains. News is like junk food. Very low nutritional value but quickly addictive once you've had just a little too much.

Know Where You Come From

For most of my life, I was not aware of how much my past has shaped me. A few years ago, I became aware of my family scapegoat role. Although I walked away from my family and closed that chapter, it still has an impact on me.

Now I understand what triggered me in the past, and to some extent, it still does. Now I can make sense of things and find healthier ways to respond to my environment.

But that's just one example.

I also know what I have achieved in the past and which struggles I have overcome. Looking back, things naturally look easier than they were back then. That's because the lesson was learned. If now the same would happen again, I would find it way easier.

Understanding my past and remembering the path I have walked so far helps me to make it through tough times.

Maybe I'm not as strong as I used to be. But I have always been strong enough to make it through the rough times.

I know who I am and who I am not. Being humble with myself makes it easier to ask for help when everything else fails.

Take First Thoughts and Feelings Seriously

First impressions are important. We all know that. So I always tried to prepare the best I could and be professional.

However, when others just fucked up a little, I found excuses for them. As a people pleaser, this came so naturally to me that I was not even aware of that.

However, I learned again and again that when something felt off or made no sense, it was actually big red flags I should have listened to.

Thoughts and feelings that come out of nowhere are also called intuition. Of course, they are not always precise or correct. But… they carry a message. And that message should be listened to.

You Can’t Change People

This was a tough one for me. I always tried to see the best in people, even when they showed their worst. I thought I could guide them to a better path in life.

It never worked.

People only change when they themselves want to change and accordingly take action. Speaking bold words is no action. It's camouflage or self-deception…

It is rather easy to accept that people want to go their own way.

For people pleasers (like I used to be), accepting that you can't change bad people for the better can be bitter. The best you can do is keep them at a distance. They will not change, no matter how hard you try or want to believe that.

Forget about the few exceptions that may exist. The far better option is to surround yourself with people whom you like being with, just the way they are.

Choose Yourself

Be nice to yourself. After that, you can be kind to others… in exactly that order.

For far too long, I was my own worst enemy. The voices in my head were speaking harsher to me than I would allow any real person allow talk to me.

In my head, I put myself in a torture chamber and even believed I deserved it that way.

I know I am not alone with that. Like so many, the voices in our heads are mirrors of the voices we heard as children.

But now we are conscious adults and can actually choose how we talk to ourselves. We can throw the old voices out of our heads and replace them with voices that love and value us as a caring mother or father would do.

We cannot change our past. But we can choose the direction we now want to walk.

We can always choose who we want to become and do everything possible to support that journey.

Replacing the voices is one step. Others are taking care of your body, mind, and soul, and allow yourself the rest you might need.

Choosing yourself means making yourself a priority in your life. It also means becoming the person that you would always choose, no matter what the alternatives are.

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