Notes to Myself - Part I

My guidelines and life wisdom

I like to reflect on life. Usually, I do this in my journal. Especially in times of chaos and uncertainty, these reflections bring me clarity and a calm mind.

Once my words are on paper, the world feels slowed down. There is magic in the stillness of clarity. Sometimes it feels like bliss.

Looking back on my past writing, I found that a lot of my insights can be condensed into a few notes. Some of these I will share with you today.

found a new love in old-school technical drawing pens - rotring rocks

When in doubt: breathe, feel, think, decide

Most of my life, I mainly relied on thinking to master my life. This actually worked good enough to keep me functional in life and built up a comfortable safety cushion.

At some point, I discovered that thinking worked all the better when my nervous system got calmed down at least a little. A few deep breaths can do so much magic.

A few years ago, I found the missing piece in my equation. Feelings are as important as thinking. Hearing and using both helped me to make decisions that actually (re-)connected me to life.

People show you who they are, let them talk

Looking back, it always amazed me how clearly people showed me who they really are. I am not talking about subtle keys but BIG red flags.

People can put on the shiniest mask and fake lots of things, but they can never get rid of their scent. There will always be inconsistencies. The more you let them talk, the clearer you will see.

One of my toughest lessons was to trust what I notice.

The target fixation problem is real

Our brains are amazing “machines”. They help us achieve what we focus on. But this can also quite backfire. Racedrivers know the target fixation problem very well. That is why they do not look at the obstacle but focus on the safe way around it.

You probably have seen some of the “funny” YouTube videos where people on a slay hit the only tree there is. It makes them look very stupid when the real problem is that they are just not aware of how our brains work.

But it is not only trees… when you focus too much on problems, your brain will help you find more problems. This is how things work.

You can save yourself quite some drama in life when you put your attention on things that you want to achieve or get in your life.

A simple smile opens so many doors

I have travelled to over 40 countries. Everywhere I went, a smile proved to be a universal language.

Yes, there are different kinds of smiles, and fake ones are appreciated nowhere.

But simply looking at someone giving a light smile and saying in your mind, “I see you,” carries magic. It helps you connect with strangers and even works on dogs.

From a spiritual perspective (if this resonates with you), we are all connected with one another anyway. And it is heartwarming when you remind people of that. It just takes a simple smile…

Life can change at any moment

Sometimes life can hit you hard and take everything away from you. The rug you were standing on… just pulled away by an invisible hand.

The thing is that many of us (me included) mostly expect things to change for the worse. Thinking we are all doomed is a vibe that news outlets make a living from.

However, life does not discriminate. It brings you good and bad things. Many of them are neutral, and it is your thinking that adds the flavor to it.

Now, combine this with the target fixation problem, and you will be more open to thinking that life can instantly change for the better. You don't need to win the lottery. Sometimes, little news brings so much leverage with them that they can make you a billionaire later…

Measure by lead and not by lag measures

There is this saying that you need to measure what you want to improve. Yes, I know that for some aspects, like love life, it can be a challenge to find usable metrics.

The problem with this approach is that you indirectly focus on what is lagging. You look at where you want to be and then see how far away you are from that. In a way, it is like looking at the mountain summit all the time.

For medium to big goals, this approach will simply overwhelm you.

The “antidote” is to use lead measures. Sounds like a fancy word, but simply means to count every action that brings you closer to your desired goal. As for the mountain example, count the steps you make and keep on doing them…

Want to lose weight? Count your exercises, calorie intake, and so on.

Don’t take yourself too seriously

I often have the strong tendency to overthink and drift into perfectionism. Life can become quite a burden when you put too much weight on your shoulders. Especially when it is a weight no one has asked you to carry…

There is no merit in suffering and making your life harder than necessary. Try to find your childlike curiosity and lightness instead.

You still can push yourself hard when there is objectively no other option.

Ask people where they are coming from

With this, I do not only mean nationality. The better you understand what challenges people faced on their journey through life, the better you will understand them.

Understanding people can make things so much easier and fun. Of course, in some cases, it can also mean to enforce even stricter boundaries.

People want to be seen for who they really are

This is a bit similar to the previous one, but goes a bit further.

During my professional years, I learned that people often have a strong idea of who they are and what they are good at. Sometimes they can be quite wrong about that. Like they were once put in a role that made them think they belonged right there.

But then they may struggle with their role or just not be happy with it. And they simply have no idea why. Blind spot can be a real thing.

It always baffled me how people can shine and outgrow themselves once they are in the right place and do the things that come naturally to them.

For this magic to happen, you sometimes need “to peel the onion” and get through to the very core of a person. Sounds difficult, but it is often very easy once people trust you.

Walk the journey of life with light baggage

This is a lesson I got from my backpacking journey. It translates to so many areas of life.

The less baggage you carry, the easier you can move around. Simple as that.

Baggage is not only physical weight; it is also a mental burden. Everything you carry with you can get broken or lost. So your mind is attached to it.

We want to be prepared for the worst case. This is what lets us put so many things in our “bags”. But the motive behind all that is simply fear. It is the biggest weight of all we carry with us through life.

Don't let the weight of fear bend your back. Walk lightly and enjoy the journey of life.

---

Coming up next:

---