Notes to Myself - Navigating Through Chaos

What chaos can teach us about fear, rest, and starting over

Life can be full of surprises. Sometimes changes can literally turn the world upside down. Like when we lose our jobs, face a breakup, or realize we've not really been living our lives, and suffer from deep emptiness inside us.

All these situations have in common that they feel as if our whole world is collapsing. And out of nowhere, we find ourselves standing in the middle of chaos.

In this reflection, I want to share what has helped me most in getting through such phases and how I found stability again.

Image by Anni Roenkae on Pexels

When more of the same isn’t working anymore

A large part of our lives runs on autopilot. To some extent, this is a good thing. Because it makes life easier to live and also easier to achieve more. When we know the formula of life, we just have to increase the input to get more output, or tweak things a little here and there.

But when life suddenly falls apart, doing more of the same and increasing the input doesn’t work anymore. And that's exactly the point where we fear losing control.

The sooner we accept that the old mechanics aren't working anymore, the more we open up to finding new paths for us.

Of course, that means we need to face changes that might be very uncomfortable.

Starting with the basics

Chaos is often so overwhelming because we don’t know which of all the fires around us we should extinguish first. They are all urgent and are painfully hot.

Our minds go into spiralling thoughts, and it's easy to lose the last bit of orientation we thought we had, almost like we are losing ourselves.

But as every journey begins with a first step, there are also a few simple things that can help us manage chaos a little better.

Healthy food

There's a reason people say that without health, everything is nothing.

In difficult times, many of us try to numb ourselves with food, alcohol, or just any kind of distraction the world has to offer. All those things can work pretty well in the moment, but they don't improve anything. In many cases, these escape routes come at a very high price.

I found that health begins with what we put in our bodies. The older I get, the more clearly this becomes. These days, a big cup of ice cream almost gives me instant regret after I have finished it. When I was younger, I still would have smiled the next day… but when I had too many ice creams in too short a period of time, I would have eventually felt low.

The thing is that a well-nourished body can handle stress and chaos so much better. Of course, there are limits for everything. But even then, a healthy diet helps you recover much faster.

Good sleep

Good sleep comes right after good nutrition. Unfortunately, it is not quite as simple.

We usually know what healthy food looks like. But when it comes to sleep, many of us feel desperate to find something that directly helps.

Although there is no formula for the short term, there are still a few things you can do to support better sleep.

For me, reducing caffeine and sugar made a noticeable difference. It also helps to stop doing mentally challenging things about two hours before going to bed.

Of course, that is not always easy when your mind is full of worry. But whenever you are too much in your head, it helps to come back into the body.

Moving your body

Your body wants to be moved. You're not made for sitting on a cheap office chair staring at a display for most of the day.

You don't need a gym subscription or any fancy exercises. A simple 30-min walk often can do wonders. Do that every day and you will be surprised what it does for you. Make sure you walk in fresh air and lots of nature around you, if possible.

And when things feel really bad, it can help to spend a whole weekend doing something active. Go hiking. Ride your bicycle. Find a nice place for a day trip and just keep moving until you are so exhausted that you fall into bed like an innocent child.

And when that happens, you get an idea of how badly you actually needed to move your body.

Trying one thing at a time

This may be the most important rule when it comes to bringing order into chaos.

We humans are not good at multitasking. Of course, for things we can do on autopilot, it may work well enough. But whenever we face something new, and there is something to learn, it is usually better to focus on one thing at a time.

If you managed to have a healthier diet, you can start reducing your caffeine intake as the next step. Once that feels stable, you can focus on moving more.

Trying to fix all those things at the same time may work for a few days. But then you get a taste of how overwhelming too many things at the same time can be. That's when you give up and fall back into your old routines that are not really serving you.

When trying new things, we sooner or later reach areas where fear shows up. Like when we have to write a job application and suddenly notice how we start feeling like a loser, not good enough, and doomed to live in misery for the rest of our lives.

Anxiety is a messenger

One thing that helped me a lot was seeing anxiety as a messenger.

Of course, dealing with anxiety was never a walk in the park. At times, it felt so uncomfortable that I just wanted to get out of my body to escape the suffering it brought me.

But I noticed that once you allow yourself to feel these very intense sensations, they will start to fade. Knowing this is gold whenever anxiety pays you an uninvited visit again.

I also realized that anxiety has shown me the challenges I needed to face. After I wrote my first dozen applications, I noticed how I started feeling better. The rejections still hurt, but I kept writing applications for a while since I learned to do this more or less on automatic mode.

It's the unknown that we fear. And that's actually a good mechanism. Because whenever we step into new territory, we should keep our eyes open to spot unknown dangers. That's how we stay safe.

The message of anxiety is not to freeze and avoid everything new. All it’s telling us is to take small steps at the beginning and test new ground until it feels safe.

Cats probably don’t know much about anxiety. Maybe that's why they say: Curiosity killed the cat. But we humans are smarter and have a lot of fun when we handle our curiosity wisely.

Don’t forget to rest

I have often underestimated how much energy it takes to adjust to new environments.

Maybe that is also one reason why children are often tired. Their brains have so much to learn and so many new connections to build.

As adults, we often try to push this tiredness away with caffeine or nowadays energy drinks. We all know the pendulum will swing back.

It would be far better if we allowed our bodies more of the rest they crave. And that might be way more than we'd like to believe.

Often, we only notice this once we have a few days off and are no longer exposed to the same level of stress. Then suddenly we feel completely flat. At the latest, that is the moment to take our body seriously.

And there is nothing wrong with doing absolutely nothing for a few days, as long as we do it consciously for recovery and not as another form of avoidance.

Chaos settles once you find your way

In a way, the whole world is chaotic.

Whenever I traveled to exotic countries, I wondered how people could survive in such chaos. But after a few weeks, I got used to the new environment and learned how to move through it.

We humans are excellent at recognizing patterns. The more we allow ourselves to engage with our surroundings, the better we become at it.

Of course, our body and nervous system need time to adapt. They also need rest when there is a lot to process and learn. But if we respect those needs, we usually find our way sooner or later, even if the path feels rough for a while.

That's when the newly built automatisms begin to kick in. Life starts to feel easier again, until the next changes come.

We learn that this rising and falling is part of life. With every change, a certain calmness begins to grow in us.

We are made for this life and carry the strength to master our lives. It's often in times of crisis that we come into contact with our true core.

In that sense, every crisis and every phase of chaos also carries the chance to discover a new and beautiful path in life.

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Quote of the week:

Sometimes strength looks like crying, resting, and trying again tomorrow.

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