My grandmother was that kind of person who spread stories about everybody. On my way home from another country where I was studying I stopped for a visit to see her. She told me how my mother, her daughter, had tried to choke me with orange juice when I was baby and that later she was angry that one of her cousins died of cancer and I was healthy and alive. Then she told me stories about my father... stories that I can't stand remembering otherwise I'll become insane.
But right after leaving her, before I reached home she called my mother talking bad about me and telling her to be patient and tolerate my presence because it would be only a few days of torture for her and I would soon go away.
Yes it's a very ugly game. You would rather expect from outside the family and from enemies. And then you find out it's the people you usually tend to trust most...
Yes, I also have the childhood nightmares. They still haunt me at times. They are one of the main reasons that brought me to therapy initially. I have gone no contact with my parents and sister. I have no living grandparents. Recently, I contacted a cousin to see if she had a similar experience with her mother - cruel and controlling. I know her mother is an alcoholic. All of my mother’s siblings are. My Mom, took the high road and didn’t drink, but she wasn’t sober. She was a raging dry drunk who would slander all of her family members. Anyway, my cousin came back to tell me she had a great relationship with her mother. Even though they live 3 states away and only see each other once or twice a year. Even though I watched her get slammed against the walls and picked up by her throat when we were playing too loudly. That was her Dad, but everything is hunky-dory now and she is sooooo sorry I am having a hard time. It really hurt. I thought maybe there would be some validation, but it isn’t coming. There isn’t a safe landing in the family. So I am spreading my wings and finding my needs are being met. Elsewhere 🪽
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My grandmother was that kind of person who spread stories about everybody. On my way home from another country where I was studying I stopped for a visit to see her. She told me how my mother, her daughter, had tried to choke me with orange juice when I was baby and that later she was angry that one of her cousins died of cancer and I was healthy and alive. Then she told me stories about my father... stories that I can't stand remembering otherwise I'll become insane.
But right after leaving her, before I reached home she called my mother talking bad about me and telling her to be patient and tolerate my presence because it would be only a few days of torture for her and I would soon go away.
Yes it's a very ugly game. You would rather expect from outside the family and from enemies. And then you find out it's the people you usually tend to trust most...
Thank you.✨ The important thing is that one day, someone decides to break the chain 🙂
Yes, I also have the childhood nightmares. They still haunt me at times. They are one of the main reasons that brought me to therapy initially. I have gone no contact with my parents and sister. I have no living grandparents. Recently, I contacted a cousin to see if she had a similar experience with her mother - cruel and controlling. I know her mother is an alcoholic. All of my mother’s siblings are. My Mom, took the high road and didn’t drink, but she wasn’t sober. She was a raging dry drunk who would slander all of her family members. Anyway, my cousin came back to tell me she had a great relationship with her mother. Even though they live 3 states away and only see each other once or twice a year. Even though I watched her get slammed against the walls and picked up by her throat when we were playing too loudly. That was her Dad, but everything is hunky-dory now and she is sooooo sorry I am having a hard time. It really hurt. I thought maybe there would be some validation, but it isn’t coming. There isn’t a safe landing in the family. So I am spreading my wings and finding my needs are being met. Elsewhere 🪽
Maybe she doesn't want to to see.
I also understood quite late in life what actually happened in my childhood and couldn't see the toxicity for what it was.